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January 27, 2021 In Stories

Leaving

By Teresa Renee Bain

It may be hard to imagine living in an empty, quiet house if there are children in your home. Children and all their toys, blankets, books, snacks, shrieks, laughter, demands, and never-ending curiosity. As a mom with young children, I remember being bone tired as I attempted to juggle so many tasks. I both longed for and dreaded the thought of a quiet, empty house without my children.

But trust me, eventually children leave, and our homes are quiet.

My oldest daughter took her first road trip shortly after she turned eighteen. If she had been someone else’s child I might have admired her desire to get out and see the world. More than once she patiently said, “I know Mom.” For implied in my endless questions was my worry she was not capable without me. Before driving away, she graciously let me cram a massive emergency pack into her car which we both knew was really for my peace of mind.

My youngest daughter is living on the other side of the country in downtown Baltimore. From our long-distance phone conversations, I picture what her neighborhood looks like, the corner grocery store where she shops and the harbor she walks to when she wants to feel closer to nature. I am not with her to make sure she dresses warmly, feeds herself well or gets adequate sleep. She must take care of herself.

Our children will eventually leave us. Just as we left those who cared for us. I wonder if the truth of parenting is not how well we hold onto our children, but how we prepare them to leave?

I was reminded of a visit with a friend who has a young child. When I arrived, she and her child came out to greet me. The mother and I stayed outside to visit while her child returned to the house to play. A few moments later, the child called out, “Mom, come and shut the door.” Without hesitating, the mother went back to the house and shut the door, before coming back to finish our conversation.

Later, while driving home, I reflected on how natural it was for the mother to do for the child what the child could have done for themself. I remembered doing many such things for my own daughters. Sometimes it was because I wanted it done quickly or because I did not want to deal with fussiness over their being asked to help.

This changed when a fellow parent said, “Maybe our job isn’t to do for them, but instead to turn over more and more of their care to them.” “In other words,” she continued, “Don’t do for our children what they can do for themselves.”

Eventually our children need to know how to budget, feed themselves, care for homes, manage time, build healthy relationships just to name a few. Independence and skill come in small steps which we allow and encourage our children to take and learn from.

What tasks can your child do right now? Can they pick out and put on their clothes? Can they pour cereal and milk into a bowl? Can they help with dishes? Brush their teeth? Make their bed? Decide between a shower or a bath? Put their toys away? What can they do to help the family? Children with special needs may have different tasks which they can or cannot do. Their leaving may look different as they may always need more from us.

What can you let your child do today to prepare them to leave? Today I have a phone call with my daughter who lives 2,763 miles away and I can’t wait.

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📣 North Parent Pantry Open Saturday, March 25 📣
Come stock up on diapers, wipes, and gently used items for children ages 0-5 years! 
All items are free of charge and ready to go home to you and your family. 
Location: 1148 SE 8th Avenue, Oak Harbor
Date: Saturday, March 25
Time: 11am-1pm
We have SO many great items to share. Help us spread the word!
#oakharborwa #coupevillewa #anacorteswa #whidbeyisland #parentpantry #communitycare
Support is a fundamental need for parents and care Support is a fundamental need for parents and caregivers as they are raising our littlest community members.
The positive effects of feeling upheld and supported by a community builds mutual trust, reduces stress, and give children a sense of belonging in the wider world. 
Our in-home mentorship program is developed in a way that both families and volunteer mentors can form meaningful relationships that are mutually beneficial for everyone.
We invite you to learn more about our mentorship program. You don’t need a special skill set, just an open heart and the desire to connect. We provide the rest! 
We are currently seeking volunteers. Email esther@whidbeymothermentors.org or visit us mothermentors.org to learn more. 
We have a family waiting for YOU! 
#whidbeyisland #whidbeyislandgrown #langleywa #oakharborwa #militaryfamilies #freelandwa #greenbankwa #clintonwa #islandcounty #supportfamilies #momsneedmoms #parents #caregiversupport #cogenerate #intergenerational #thrivingcommunities @cogenerate_ #pnwnonprofit #seattlefamilies #whidbey #earlychildhoodsupport #postpartumsupport #postpartum #maternalwellness #maternalmentalhealth
📣 South Whidbey Parent Pantry open tomorrow Sat 📣 South Whidbey Parent Pantry open tomorrow Saturday, March 18.
We have diapers, wipes, formula and gently used clothing, shoes and baby gear for children ages 0-5. All FREE, all curated for your family with love! 💛
If you're in South Whidbey, pop by Playscape and then browse for Spring essentials for your little one at the Parent Pantry. 
👉 South Pantry Open for Shopping Saturday, March 18 from
9- 1pm
📍Located at 5476 Maxwelton Road, Langley.  #langleywa #southwhidbey #whidbeyisland #supportfamilies #earlychildhoodwashington #pnwesrlychildhood #birthtofivematters #communitycare #practicalsupport #ittakesavilliage #clintonwa #greenbankwa #freelandwa #welovefamilies
🍀 Come meet other families tomorrow at our Satu 🍀 Come meet other families tomorrow at our Saturday Playscape sessions this month in Langley and Oak Harbor. 
Free & open to families with children ages 0-5 years! 
Playscape is:
🤗 A welcoming, fun play space for infants and young children with their moms, dads, grandparents, or other caregiving adults.
🏘A gathering place where caregivers can connect, make friends, share stories, learn from each other, and offer support.
🌈 A play and learn experience guided by an early childhood facilitator and supported by loving trained volunteers.
🗓Date: Saturday, March 18 @ 9:30-11am
Locations: 
📍South Playscape - 
South Whidbey 5th and 6th grade campus, C Pod 5476 Maxwelton Road, Langley, WA 98260
📍North Playscape - 
Whidbey Presbyterian Church
1148 SE 8th Avenue, Oak Harbor
(8th and Midway, enter on Midway)
Visit us at mothermentors.org for our most up-to-date calendar and to sign up for our newsletter! #whidbeyisland #oakharborwashington #langleywashington #islandcounty
SOUTH PLAYSCAPE CLOSED FRIDAY MARCH 10 due to a wa SOUTH PLAYSCAPE CLOSED FRIDAY MARCH 10 due to a water issue at the building. We plan to resume as usual Tuesday next week 💛 #southwhidbey #langleywa #clintonwa #freelandwa
📣South Whidbey Parent Pantry open tomorrow Satu 📣South Whidbey Parent Pantry open tomorrow Saturday, March 4.
We have diapers, wipes, formula and gently used clothing, shoes and baby gear for children ages 0-5. All FREE, all curated for your family with love! 💛
Looking to drop off donations? Thank you! We accept donations in Langley on Sunday, March 5. 
👉Pantry Open for Shopping Saturday, March 4 from 9am - 1pm
👉 Donations collected Sunday, March 5 from 10am -12pm
📍located at 5476 Maxwelton Road, Langley
 #langleywa #southwhidbey #whidbeyfamilies #whidbeyisland #parentpantry #communitycare #whidbeyislandgrown #whidbeybabies
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